I just had a chat about drugs with my son this week.
It always bothered me that I was told “Drugs are bad, mmmkay?” but when I met some stoners that weren’t living in a van down by the river, it made me wonder what else they had lied to me about, and I disregarded EVERYTHING they warned me about. Got in a little trouble, but just enough to learn from, and I’ve kept my shit together. I’ve also seen other’s lives fall apart.
So, I was open and honest with him. I told him to be smart. Remember that alcohol makes you act without thinking, and pot makes you think without action. Set rules for yourself so when your mind is altered, you don’t need to rely on it in tough situations. Everybody’s drunk and wants to go for a ride? Don’t get in that car. You will want to act without thinking, so remember your rule. You have a big paper due on Monday? Don’t smoke until it’s done, because you won’t get more creative, you’ll just not do it.
And I told him that there are lines he shouldn’t cross. Meth, opiates, and cigarettes. I told him about a friend who’s been hooked on meth for years and how she’s ruined the lives of everyone she interacts with. And cigarettes don’t really fit in with the rest of that list, but he knows I’m a slave to the things, and I told him how I went from the only non-smoker in the group to over a pack a day for the past 20 years.
I hope he was listening, and respects my honesty enough to stay safe, happy and successful.
“alcohol makes you act without thinking and pot makes you think without action” is so gonna be stolen for future use. Yoink.
Help yourself! I was particularly proud of that one. Seemed to summarize them perfectly!
For real. This is my basic approach to parenting too and I feel the same way about both substances (while also enjoying both), but I’ve never seen it expressed in just the right way like this. It’s perfect. Another one I’ve found useful is “drinking is borrowing happiness from tomorrow”. Applies to certain other substances to a degree but damn if it isn’t exactly right for alcohol. A loan is not always a bad idea, to be clear, but it’s good to be clear on the terms of any loan, lol.
This.
My parents were very open and honest about their drug use and the use of their friends and family. I set rules for myself and never got truly in trouble, I’ve definitely made dumb mistakes, but I’m definitely better off then some of my friends.
The only thing that my dad said that was really dumb was “it’s your choice, you can have chicks and cars or dudes and drugs”. At the time, I had almost no friends, never really had friends up until then. Growing up with severe socal and separation anxiety will do that. I didn’t really care about cars, chicks did drugs, so why not have some dudes too.
Edit: spelling
This is my plan.
Similar background. My parents just took the “everything is very bad” angle but it was very obvious that want true in a lot of cases. The result being a lot of risky experimentation with no support or guidance from an adult.
I think the message is, life is about the journey, we’re here to experience everything we can and that includes sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The problem is that its very easy to make a mistake that will greatly diminish your experiences later on.
With driving, and sex, a momentary lapse in judgement can irrevocably change the trajectory of your life. Simply being aware of that is hopefully enough to help someone make smart choices?
Drugs and booze can be fun. I enjoyed the full range of experiences in that regard. The best I can do is to try to ensure my kids feel comfortable talking to me about things.
Edit: yeah smoking is a real bitch. I got off that train a year ago thank fuck. IDK how to talk to a kid about something like that. Maybe just let them talk and challenge the misconceptions. The thing that trapped me is that I thought I wouldn’t get addicted because it was so awful. It took a lot of effort to get used to it. By then it was too late.
/remindme in 10 years to talk with my daughter like this parent did
You have a big paper due on Monday? Don’t smoke until it’s done, because you won’t get more creative, you’ll just not do it.
I actually love writing while high. Everything flows so much more easily for me, and I make connections I might not otherwise. It’s great when I’m having trouble just getting words on the page. It does usually require an extra passover in editing though lol
I hear ya, but we’ll at least wait until he’s in college to figure that out. 😂
Jokes on those people, now people live in vans on purpose (and I definitely can’t afford one).
Lol, right? I’d have to save up to live in a van down by the river.
Vans are expensive!
“On purpose” here means “Buying a house isn’t an option anymore”
The most popular of these vans costs as much as a house.
That’s if you buy one new, which is only gentrified relabelling of RVs. I just converted a bus myself for 25k, which is what most people who actually live in them full time do. Anyone buying one is likely using it as a “second home” aka RV.
That’s a cheap house.
Depends where you look. ~$260k still gets you a decent house in most places. The problem is that the same house was under $150k in 2019.
You can probably get an old delivery van, fix it up, tune it, and modify it to be a GREAT rolling residence for like a fifth of that.
Absolutely. In 2020 (early days of the lockdown) I picked up a “new old stock” 2019 4x4 Sprinter Passenger van for $46k. I spent $5k Minimally converting it, and it has been my travel vehicle ever since (my wife and I do not fly).
The point of my response was that assuming that someone choosing to live in a van is because they can’t afford a house (as the previous comment implied) is incorrect. There are a tone of those Revel vans out there. Some people are choosing to live the van life because they want to, not because they have to.
People vastly underestimate the influence of chronic illness when it comes to adverse living situations
When you’re struggling to be productive and work due to health reasons, society treats you like trash, and often won’t give you the support you need. And this is a lot more common than people are willing to admit
As a formerly homeless person with some sort of chronic illness, yep.
I made it out, but the absolute anxiety of always falling back into poverty weighs heavy. I truly don’t think I can do it again.
Where am I supposed to get this van from?
Kind of at that point right now. Everything seemed to be looking up in life, right on the cusp of everything going great, debt coming under control, future looking bright. Then just as my gf was finishing up nursing school, she breaks up with me, essentially says she’d been using me for the last year or two to make ends meet until she graduated. Everything I’d been thinking about was our future together, now none of that means anything. We have a kid together, so we still have to interact, but she treats me like a stranger now. Life just feels meaningless, it’s made the election easier because I honestly don’t care if everything burns down now.
She pulls that shit when you guys have a child?
I don’t want to come at you with frustrating cliches and platitudes about how time heals all wounds and you’ll find the actual right person, but your post gave me big “dodged a bullet” vibes. In this case you definitely got grazed by the bullet, but still.
One of my best friends lost her place of living when her boyfriend of 4 years said the relationship had actually ended in his head 2 years previously, but he needed the rent. But then he found a new girlfriend to grift from, “opened the relationship,” and they edged my friend out. I am still mad they did that to her; she was so heartbroken and damaged from that.
Wow, edged out of a relationship. Had never considered that possibility. All sorts of fucked up.
Everything I’d been thinking about was our future together, now none of that means anything.
In the same boat 2 years in. It hurts. Hope it gets better some day.
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Dude that apathy is no joke…
Is “don’t suffer major depression” supposed to be useful advice?
Yes, because there are ways to avoid and navigate major depression. Better to learn them in times of peace than in the middle of war.
Please share
I ain’t saying it’s easy. Sometimes it’s simple, but simple doesn’t mean easy.
This, and also not “doing drugs” and going to college are also difficult. Mind altering substances can become a normalized part of social interaction (I live in America and my favorite illustration of this is talking about caffeine. Sure, the chance of developing an addiction is lower, and the consequences of a dependency are less severe, but telling a kid “don’t have caffeine ever, it’s bad” is just insane, they might be able to avoid it for a while but the environment itself is trying to shove it down our throats).
College doesn’t have the same issue but it’s got its own set of issues. And all three of those things become more difficult when you stack their problems.
Framing things as either falling into “a choice” vs “not a choice” ignores the fact that pretty much all things have at least some elements of it that we can and can’t control.
I don’t need to take drugs to suffer from depression and apathy. I’ve had that one for free since before 2nd grade.
Yeah but like, if you’re feeling depressed, have you tried feeling happy instead? Durr! /s
I have tried drugs, yes.
I think you never heard your suggestion growing up is because there are many that had no choices or ways to avoid major depression.
Doing drugs, and not going to college are active choices that people can make. Bodily and environmental chemistry as well as genetics can be causes as well as formative years being abused or neglected can certainly lead to major depression. This says nothing of what life throws as us assuming you make it through childhood okay. Those aren’t things that a person can choose to avoid to avoid major depression.
dont suffer major depression
wow thanks im cured /s
How would that advice be useful?
They mean the advice does not acknowledge the risk of going into debt then becoming depressed
At no point was that mentioned in the OP
The post is saying that the helpful advice is about making choices and omits things outside of your control, like depression, that can lead to the same result.
The post isn’t saying to not be depressed.
It’s a sarcastic take on common advice. It’s implied by the inanity of the suggestion. Most people got it, wasn’t something you saw. You’ll get it next time :).
Pretty sure I got it and you meant to reply to breadsmasher.
Yup.
Advice never includes the warning: “dont suffer major depression…”
what? it literally does say that.
"Don’t suffer’ is different than “Don’t choose to be”.
Yeah… That’s the joke…
Hey kid, wanna try some depression? The first time is free!
Have you tried taking a walk outside in the sun while eating better and getting more sleep?
Still depressed but now have second degree burns
Second degree‽
Those are rookie numbers. You gotta bump that up to third at least.
That’s how I was with smoking. I tried a hit and it felt gross, but one day we were drunk and I tried a friend’s clove cigarette. Cloves, for anyone who doesn’t know, numb your throat and mouth, so I didn’t get any of those terrible sensations but I got one hell of a head rush. It turned into bumming smokes while drinking, to buying a pack for the weekend, to switching to camels, to full blown smoker.
Username checks out.
Depression can happen over more things than just drugs. Plenty of life events can really stir it up that have nothing to do with user input.
You’re confusing cause and effect, I fear
