I used to think I’m not trans enough, that the thoughts I might’ve had were just about my gender expression, that I’d be alright with being a femboy, that I wouldn’t ever feel a desire to change parts of my body.

But once I got to it, I just couldn’t help but browse the trans and egg memes, read the stories, see the pictures. Not all, but many of them felt relatable to me.

But I guess how the veil of “I just want to be a feminine guy” came down was thinking of if I wanted everyone to think of me as a man for the rest of eternity. I felt the pressures of toxic masculinity already trying to punish me through being labeled as “gay”.

Once I realized I didn’t want to be a guy, I just had to figure out where to go from there. I was already transgender at that point. All the validation of “real trans people” which I hadn’t previously thought of as applying to me was all the sudden empowering. I couldn’t really believe it at first, how unlike would it be that I would be trans. But I guess someone has to play that part. And since I am trans, I can nudge or redefine my identity anywhere I feel like…

Throughout all of these, journaling really helped. Writing down daily thoughts, often about gender, did help me see the thought patterns.

I now feel like there is no me without being transgender. I don’t wish to be normal. If you take away my transness, you take away a core part of me.

That’s why I am now slowly planning to transition.

I don’t want people to see me without a core part of me being there.

I’d wager a fake vote count would be much easier to detect than the same amount of fake users

This instance is blahaj.zone, hosted by the folks at blahaj.zone?

This, except Librewolf on desktop and Mull on android to get some extra hardening.