This is so hard.

First, it’s OK to distance yourself from “I love you, but I can’t support what you are doing.”

My mother was devastated when I came out. But after seeing that I was serious about transition and she could either get on the boat or be left behind, she decided that she should offer some help with clothes and dressing nice. She introduced me as her daughter these days. She hasn’t said anything shitty in over half a decade.

Second isolation is ok for safety, but not a long term strategy. Be nice to people, ask for help when you can, and you should meet women that will help you. Seek out queer spaces and navigate them as best you can. A trans woman taught me 95% of everything I know about makeup. My wife taught me nails when we started dating.

I’m sorry you are being hurt. It’s not fair and you don’t deserve it. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to chat, or vent, or share your stories. I love yo tell my own.

I like the change. Both more inclusive and more exact.

Damn I’m sorry. The only thing I can suggest is to give her space, as much as you can. You don’t deserve this.

If you have any kind of support system outside of her, now is the time. I would stay off Facebook. Trying to do damage control there with a conservative family is probably going to do more harm than good.

It’s going to hurt more before it gets better, but with time and some effort, it can get better. Care for the kids as best you can. Then care for yourself as best you can. Then care for your wife.

You have every chance of being a pretty woman. It make take hormones and time and hair removal, and maybe some makeup magic, but there will probably come a day when you can be proud of what you see in the mirror.

Regardless, who you see in the mirror is more important. Do your best, and the rest will fall as it may.

I became more extroverted. More social, more outgoing. Being able to be myself is delightful, and my old quiet bookish persona doesn’t fit me anymore.

I would expect significant change to be normal, mostly expressing ourselves in ways that didn’t feel right before or ways werl didn’t allow ourselves to in the past.

“(your) right To swing your fist ends just where my nose begins”

Exactly, If you care so much transplant it into your uterus.

Hard dissagree. It’s wrong in Nebraska, wrong in Germany, and wrong everywhere else where the standard is some date before birth.

For the record, she was, probably, past that. My wife was born at 20 weeks, over three decades ago.

What’s the problem with 28 weeks?

Yes, it’s clear that there must be a cutoff date. Personally, I like the biblical standard: baby’s first breath.

I can’t say this is something I have experienced. I got gender euphoria from the start right up to today.

But maybe you are gender fluid? If that fits then it fits. It’s OK to be a man on Tues and a woman on Friday.

There is no wrong way to be you. There is only you. The words are only important if they are useful. When words fail, you are still here, and you are more important than the words will ever be.

It’s OK to tell a story to simplify it down to strangers. (Like: I’m a trans woman) You don’t need to have the whole experience of your transition down to an elevator speech.

I say this to give some guidance on how you could move through the world. Strangers get the simple lie. Friends and family get the more nuanced truth.

Finally, some good, fucking, news.

Why would you be faking it?

What evidence do you have that you are trans?

What evidence do you have that you are cis?

Do you want to be trans?

Those are the starting questions?

I talk like that in real life.

I play a lot of table top role playing games, so maybe that’s why, but we exist.

Your mother is saying nonsense. My mom knew I liked girls when I was 4. She thought that was normal, because I’m a trans woman, but it was obvious even then.

I’m sorry. You don’t deserve invalidation. You deserve affirmation. You don’t owe your mother anything, but it’s possible that your dad or a grandparent can be an ally for you with the rest of the family.

How can you tell them? I don’t know. “Hey, I have something important to tell you.” Will probably force the issue.

You don’t have to come out, but if you want to, that’s how I would start.

Maybe. I can only suggest you try to be the best sibling you can be. Keep that as your north star and you shouldn’t go too far wrong.

This is sensible.

So, you are on the right track to assert that the only person that can say you are trans is you. At best, we can give you things to think about.

First, you focus on your body, and mention your weight as unsatisfying. If you lost a bunch of weight and worked out every day, what would make you happier? A muscular, masculine body? With big shoulders and strong arms and thighs? Or would you preferred a smaller, athletic, feminine body? That still had some fat in your breasts and butt?

Would you like a soft feminine face? Or a handsome, masculine face?

If that doesn’t make it obvious, what about relationships? Would you like be your parents son? Or their daughter? Would you rather be a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? If you get married, would you like to be the bride? Or the groom?

If you have children someday, would you be comfortable as their dad? Or their mother?

“Neither” is also an option. Maybe you are non binary or agender.

I hope this helps you to consider what you want for yourself. None of these questions can 100% guarantee you are trans, but each can offer evidence one way or the other.

Welcome Fabienne! That is a lovely name.

I came out and started my transition over a decade ago. It’s been a wild ride from marriage equality here in the US to the current climate of fear.

I hope your journey is as rewarding as mine has been. I have a wonderful group of friends and family that supports and affirms me.

I went through a long process of deprogramming myself. I started by allowing myself to giggle. It never ends, but how it’s going is hormones replacement therapy and a second round of laser hair removal.

“data scrapers are making our site unusable!”

Peoceeds to pre emptively make the site unusable.

It’s a helluva ride.