In 2017, I was driving to the store for a pack of smokes, and cops saw my expired registration, leading to a whole shitshow that ended up costing more than $10,000. Texas was still doing vehicle inspections at the time, and my door handle had broken, which turned out not to be a reason to fail.

I was arrested for felony DWI (as this would be my third and the 10-year exemption had been repealed) after blowing 0.09 roadside. I wear dentures, which is a story for another time, so the two beers with dinner were still hanging out in my mouth. Once I got to jail, I was allowed to take my teeth out and blew a 0.07.

Even the magistrate in jail thought this was a miscarriage of justice, recommending this get pushed down to a misdemeanor (being under 0.08 should have meant this all gets thrown out), but I had to lawyer up, got deferred adjudication, a breathalyzer and a year of probation, complete with having to go to another county for the monthly appointments and UAs. The case has since been sealed.

But it was quite the hassle. One thing I’ve not done since is drive after any alcohol consumption, so I suppose it was corrective – but an unnecessarily extreme method of doing so.