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What really scares me is that I don’t meet the classical medical criteria for ADHD, but I relate to these memes like a motherfucker…
The main thing to remember about these diagnoses is that you don’t have the disorder unless it disrupts your daily life.
A lot of people have a lot of symptoms of some of these disorders without having the disorder itself.
I mean some of us have become experts at not letting it disrup life as we had no choice. But my therapist says I’m all kinds of adhd she is baffled I never went to a shrink before. Nothing has to affect your life not even hallucinations and lack of short term memory. You pretend to be like every one else and smart phones do the rest.
Experts for like a week before we fly off the rails again for six months 😭
I’ve had some time to think about this, and honestly at times it does disrupt my life. There are many examples in my life, which some of these memes hit really close to.
When I say I don’t meet the classical medical criteria, I meant that I don’t meet all of the multiple criteria necessary for a diagnosis. But some of that could just be from my upbringing. For example, I don’t have the complete lack of impulse control that seems to be almost a requirement for diagnosis. I also was constantly browbeat and ridiculed for my lack of patience as a child, and had to develop ways to avoid the constant criticism. I learned patience as a coping mechanism.
I am affected by my lack of planning ability. I’ll get the job done, but it’ll always take longer because I didn’t account for many different things. People constantly comment on that, because to them it was obvious how it should have been done and they can’t understand why I just didn’t do that. I try to control my budget with diligently developed spreadsheets, but it often goes off the rails because sometimes I just need to buy myself something to satisfy the itch when I’m stressed. I had serious boredom problems when I was in IT and stuck in front of a computer 8 hours a day, which might partially explain the 2-3 year layoff cycles. I loved developing code, but I hated working on the same program for more than 6 months. I also hated doing tech support with a passion, which I got stuck doing for over a decade.
I’ve just tried to pivot and work around things the best that I can. People have talked about it like it’s living life on hard mode. But it’s the only way I know how to live. It’s barely holding together with Duct Tape, bubblegum, and a whole lot of hope, but I’ve gotten this far in life like that. My fear is that disrupting that to try to find a new path might completely tear everything apart.
Wow…how did you summarize how I feel in one comment?
Mental health is never an on/off thing, my friend. It’s a spectrum and you could potentially still be relatively high on the spectrum but not high enough for a full diagnosis. Nobody is stopping you from incorporating some more ADHD friendly techniques in your life too :)
People forget shit, most adapt to finding a way to help overcome. I would have to assume everyone can relate to this.
Same. I have to set a reminder or do something the moment I think of it or I’ll be nothing but guaranteed to forget it completely.
Y’all still trust your brains? Lol
No, but I often happen to forget that I’m terrible at remembering stuff.
Oh I see. I just gave up haha and now whenever I hear a task I need to do/anything I need to remember I just write it somewhere.
Something along the lines of “your brain is made to think, not to remember trivial tasks”
I tried that… I forgot to read what I wrote.
And also where I wrote it.
This thread is too real for me lol
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Me: Let me write this down…
Pen: lel, I am gone
The act of remembering how to write will make me forget the thing that I was trying to write down.
Hahaha too relatable. My solution was to buy a bunch of tiny pencils and literally leave them everywhere (pants, coats and hoodies included)
Note app on my phone that sync with my PC (actually, with a server that both syncs with) and has several notebook to keep everything kinda sorted is the way for me, although looking at the notes aren’t always works lol. Trying to build this habbit rn
Best of luck with it to you then!
I also had to develop the habit of having a piece of paper+pencil always nearby, but now I feel weird without them. The app and laptop combo works great for me but only as a next step. The phone has too many distractions for me so the good old paper works best as first step but then I’ll break down the task and organize it on my phone or laptop. What note app do you use?
Gl :). I’m using Joplin
One thing I like to do is take a picture of a messy area and set it as my phone wallpaper. I can’t change it until I can photograph that same area after it’s clean. It gives it urgency because I don’t wanna go to send a text in public and advertise my literal dirty laundry lmao. It’s also weirdly satisfying having a bunch of random before and after pics detailing where and when I’ve cleaned. I wish there was a better motivator than potential shame for me but it is what it is. I’m always taking random pics of floorboards and shit lol my camera roll is a wild ride
Lol that’s a nice creative method
Uh huh. And how many just ended up in doom boxes while you still somehow can’t find one sometimes? Lol
But you always have your phone!
“If it isn’t written down, it doesn’t exist.” Or something like that. I didn’t actually take that quote down when I heard it.
Have you met our lord and savior, Obsidian?
Lol I have! But I also couldn’t bring myself to cheat on Joplin
Thank God for auto pay
Same. I would literally never pay anything on time.
My memory really only seems to function properly for keeping track of large sets of complicated variables, like writing lore or designing a rule set or coding. Ask it to remember something simple and it’ll completely throw it out the window. Which, okay, it’s a pain in the ass, but I can really do that first bit in a way that I watch other people struggle with.
I may operate like a confused blob spreading in all directions, but every little piece of that work is a chunk of a bigger picture that I can see clearly. I may be flitting from task to task within that work and advancing ideas as my brain spontaneously shifts focus, but when they’re all tied to the same end result they all advance the work in an organic and automatic way.
When I let myself work that way, that’s when I really feel what Bukowski meant by “Don’t try”.
Yes, it takes me literally forever to leave the house in the morning. Sure, numbers without a specific meaning and immediate use swim around in my head like alphabet soup. Okay, I literally can barely tell the difference between one hour and six hours if I’m not using some sort of event to track the time.
But my awareness in the moment is pretty on point. I’ll catch things other people won’t. I’m great at spotting the silhouettes of animals out in the dark and I notice erratic drivers from a mile away. The same things about my memory that make me terrible at getting my day going or that make it hard for me to keep up to date with people or deal with paperwork also make me way more observant than I would be otherwise. They’re also the reason I can track these massive piles of inter-related data and not feel overwhelmed. My memory works differently, but it’s pretty useful for what I need it for.
We’re different, and sometimes it sucks. But a big part of the reason it sucks is because society isn’t built for our particular variety of human. That doesn’t mean we’re not beneficial to ourselves or our species, and it doesn’t mean we’re broken. It means we work differently and we have different capabilities.
For some people it may make sense to medicate to make it easier to keep track of things, and some people may not have or may not have found applications for the way their memory works differently; we all have to find what works for us.
But I also think that we don’t necessarily have to frame our experience of our own brains around apologizing for not being what society expects or overly pathologizing our own variation from the perceived norm.
I am Bipolar 1. I am currently experiencing a hypomanic episode and your statement resonates so much that I’m going to look for more resources about ADHD. Thanks for sharing your insights.
I’m the same way. It’s as if my brain is very good at holding connected ideas and forming complex models, but hopelessly bad at holding unrelated information. Like, I can hold an entire schematic in my head all day but can’t remember a random zipcode longer than a few seconds.
Based on this diagnosis, I have ADHD, despite not having trouble concentrating on things, just hard to remember things.
Is it possible that I have ADHD but only while driving? Opening the door of my house often triggers what I supposed to get on the way, kids included.
the Doorway Effect is a real thing independent of ADHD.
That’s normal human memory behaviour. Although adhd people online would like to think it is only happening to them.
I’ll set a alarm this time so I remember… no I don’t need to title the alarm so I remember what it’s for, no way I will forget what it’s for… 6hrs later why the fuck is my alarm going of
Thought pop-ups in my head, I need to research about it. I alt tab, click in search bar… and I stare dumb at the blinking cursor… mind blank. Have to catch it fast, light speed, or it’s gone.
The soap in my bathtub is too big for the soap holder. I want to cut it in half. I think if it every time I’m in the bath. Then I forget. Now I’m on the toilet. Maybe I’ll remember long enough to…
UPDATE: I did it!!
Update: I didn’t cut it.
Cut the soap!
Thanks. I will after breakfast…
Well… did you cut the soap yet?
Nope. I tested positive to Covid and now my life revolves around breathing slowly.
I’ll try to remember to check back/remind you next week as I am now quite invested in your soap situation… I wish you a speedy recovery.
I did it!!!
lmao
This is when you discover checklist and day planners
" I have to remember to check my checklist "
They forgot the ultimate weapon…
STICKY NOTES EVERYWHERE,
so you can never forget, and you get to look crazy!
Don’t forget,
WRITING ON YOURSELF!
Just for a little extra pezas on that tattoo you never got finished.
OH SHIT, DEPRESSION HAS ENTERED THE RING WITH THE CHAIR; OOOOOOH, HE NEVER STOOD A CHANCE!
The sticky notes just become background noise rather than effective reminders for me.
I feel attacked
Sadly not a very good solution for many suffering with ADHD and, no offense, one that a lot of us are really tired of having pointed out. We are aware that they exist. If they magically fixed us we wouldn’t be here.
I have ADHD and am simultaneously working full time and doing graduate school and keeping lists/day planners is essential for me. I have a million things going on in my life and I would be completely lost without them. I honestly don’t buy that they are “not a very good solution” for a lot of people with ADHD. If you have a smartphone in your pocket, you can install a checklist app on it. You can keep notepads at home to write down daily/weekly/whatever tasks on it. And you can buy a yearly planner-style book where you can write down daily and monthly tasks in advance and as they come up. Being prepared for life takes work.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t buy it. You don’t represent everyone with ADHD because it’s not the same for everyone. You should be well aware of this. You sound a lot more like people that don’t believe in ADHD at all than someone who suffers from it tbh. It’s ludicrous of you to insinuate that people just aren’t working as hard as you.
TLDR: The more severe the ADHD to more you need to externalise but at the same the harder it is for you to use the tools.
Can confirm, I have severe ADHD and because of that even externalising things to notes/planners/reminders etc. does not for me because I can’t keep track of anything or remember to write stuff down, remember to read it etc. And because I have severe ADHD I need to externalise more things than people with mild ADHD so the difficulty to use that stuff increases exponentially as you look at more and more severe ADHD cases.
I hope I got my point across because I can’t think right now.
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Sometimes it might not be days later but weeks or months that I finally remember. At least it feels that way, I’m a bad judge of the passage of time.
And sometimes it’s every couple hours always when in the middle of something else, and days later I still haven’t managed to remember to do it at a moment i can actually do it.
This just reminded me that I have needed to print out new insurance cards for the last three months.
Always when I need more toilet paper rolls in the bathroom
I always have to sing the toilet paper song through the whole process
What is the toilet paper song
It is the words “toilet paper” repeated over and over to whatever tune comes to mind
This is great, i’ll do that too next time
ADHD sucks
ADHD os fine. It’s neurotypicals not understanding us that sucks.
No. ADHD just sucks. Why would you involve other people into that?
No, that’s nice to say but it sucks. If I could get rid of it forever I would. I’m so tired of myself all the time it’s exhausting. Imagine just cleaning the damn kitchen without ending up half buried in the closet two hours later with the half full dishwasher hanging open in the dirty kitchen. Imagine “building habits” without needing 50 timers screaming at you. Oh my god can you imagine knowing you had to do something today and just relaxing until it’s time? But nah. I gotta agonize over the time all day to make extra sure I don’t go into the TV static void and end up an hour late. It’s actually awful. I just want to function like everyone else without having to put every drop of energy I have into it 24/7. I just want to wake up and know for sure that I can get all my stuff done that day for once.
I would not wish ADHD on anyone. The small amount of upsides and crisis superpowers will never be enough to make up for the daily struggle to be a functional adult. If I could be rid of it and every other mental health issue I have, I would without a second thought. Don’t get me wrong, other people understanding us helps, but it is still a curse and a burden.
Dunno about that. There’s nothing I feel “fine” with about having the working memory of a goldfish, being stuck in decision paralysis at the mere idea of taking a shower or brushing my teeth, or not being able to do anything I don’t feel like doing if there’s no urgency. No neurotypicals involved in any of that. Just my brain making my own life harder than it could be.
ADHD has gifted me with an overwhelming drive to take on every single project and activity that comes to mind. ADHD also makes it incredibly difficult to actually do any of those projects and activities because no matter how hard I try to fight it, I will eventually need to stop and sleep.
There will always be fewer hours in the day than I need. No nueurotypicals need to be involved for it to just plain suck. If I had infinite time and resources, it would probably be awesome
When I look for something I have to mutter it repeatedly so I remember what I’m doing. Just repeating to myself “phone, phone, phone, phone, phone…”
Then you blink for .2 seconds and it’s gone.
Or you set your keys or wallet on a counter, and entire time you stare intently at it. not breaking eye contact, only way you won’t forget.
Ironically I have found the best way to remember something is to tell myself to forget about it, because I then have to remember the thing I need to forget about. Unfortunately, this seems to mostly work for obligations rather than stuff that is fun.
